Front Row Seat: Same Page
We've talked about adoption before, but it was more of a conversation about "someday". Erik knows and has known this is a big piece of my family's life, so having conversations weren't out of the blue.
It's wild when God puts something on your heart when you least expect it. I mean, I've always known this would be a journey I'd want to walk, but I didn't expect it to be right now.
It sort of just happened. I thought about it. And then I talked to Erik about it. Something about Erik is that he needs time to think. I'm more of a fireball. I get it all out. I make a decision. I know we can figure it out as we go.
He's not like that. He needs to sit on it. Think about it. Weigh things through his head. Have multiple conversations. On my end, it was hard, but I respect the hell out of him. When I know, I know. And even with that, I understand I have to give him time.
He did the same with getting married, our business, me quitting teaching midyear, moving across the country, deciding to have a baby, move to a different place in the Bay, adopt a dog, try again, and now, adopt. It just takes him time. So, we had MANY, MANY conversations. There were lots of tears and just trying to understand each other, be patient with each other and truly work throug this.
He was mourning the thought that we were completely done trying for another baby. Our miscarriages have been hard on him too. Not only have they be hard on him, he had to watch me experience the worst. He was right with me each time. So, while mourning, he was trying to hold our family tight. He was supporting me, loving on me and taking care of me (and Faye).
I also think there's a piece of him fearing for the future. It's not that he's not capable of loving another child, it's just something entirely new to him. It's real. It's honest. Even while pregnant with Faye, it took her being born (and a few days, maybe weeks) for him to grow in his love for her. I want to normalize that. It isn't something that "has to be" a certain way or you're a terrible person. NO WAY. All great things take time. He didn't LOVE ME with everything he had right away, it took time.
I respect him so much for being so honest about that. Without a doubt in my whole heart, there is no possible way this man can't love another child of ours like he does Faye. I see it. I know it. I feel it. He knows that too. But it was just something he had to talk to me about, which I admire so much.
Also, back to the TTC thing. TTC means trying to concieve. He was really mourning that. Thinking our journey is completely over. It's not. At least not right now. We are just pausing to focus on our Open Adoption. We have OPEN HANDS for what's to come. Trying again and Adoption are TWO seperate things for us. Right now, focus on just adoption is what's right for our family. I had to respect that would take him some time to process. It's hard. It's not easy. You wish you could have it all and handle it all, but at the end of the day, trying for both isn't in the cards.
Getting to this point (both being on board), didn't happen with one conversation. It's happened with MANY conversations, prayers and truly hearing each other. Erik is the greatest human I've ever met. Watching him be a dad is truly the best gift in my life. It's beautiful. He adores Faye with everything in him.
I can already picture it. Erik being a dad to the child coming our way. The bond they will have will be the most beautiful thing. The love he will have for this child will blow me away. I can't wait. That part makes me so excited.He's present, playful, patience and full of so much love and fun. He takes our girl out on daddy-daughter dates, buys her roses, does her hair, sings to her at night, reads to her constantly, takes daily walks, gets on the ground to play and more. My heart bursts for this child coming our way. They are so loved. I can already picture it. And it's going to be beautiful.
Thanks for sharing our story.
You're going to be the reason we get connected to a family.